9000 Words

  I told myself to ignore the bright sunshine   At a table on a deck my seat in the warm summer sun   I listen to waves softly lap against the shore. I told myself to ignore how hot I felt From the woods to my back a cool breeze touches my neck   I listen to the quiet   I told myself to squelch the creeping feeling of a hangover   In my hand a fresh cup of black coffee   I listen to the cheerful clank of halyards against aluminum masts I told my self to ignore the problems of my life In front of me two dogs roll and play in the grass at my feet I listen to a loon in the distance I told my self to be grateful   This is a moment is denied to many   I listen to the sounds of a warm summer morning Photo credit:  Scott Cain

The wind is up this morning  And I’m wondering which of my halyards is loose Do your dreams clang an aluminum clang like mine It blows the water into dark blue patches  And I wonder if the lighting on the horizon is coming this way Would you take a float of this moment at my side Waves are building with the breeze  And I anxious about my mooring lines Are too your worries awash as mine in ever impending storms Photo credit:  Scott Cain

Photo credit:  Scott Cain

Here is an imperfect thing about me I am determined to be true to you   If you fear my other friends find you revolting I am not one to be swayed When you hear my close fiends say you’re offensive   I find you worthy   Where others jeer you with hate I will work to keep you My choice is not to abandon   I desire you no worry with me You are my friend

This new normal is turning out to be a real lousy new normal within another new normal which is nothing like any normal I’ve ever experienced.   Maybe it’s bad for you as well? Be sure, I pray not. In March, dry Scott met COVID-19 lockdown Scott. By all accounts this new world order that should have been a custom fit. A real time of great renewal. Time for me to overcome my demons, and get my life organized.  But today as I slowly organized my garage I was thinking to myself how great it would be to have a hangover. And, how joyful it would be to suffer the penalty for kicking some poor souls teeth in. For sure! I’ve been feeling grouchy and I know it is likely due to the stress of the new normal (COVID) as well as the other new normal (dry months more) and additionally the remaining old normal of my love strained marriage.  These problems are first world problems for sure. But I just can’t seem to find the happy. I’m grouchy, I’m tired, and I am extra obstinate....

The new normal happened long ago with the smoking habit I once had. It keeps me going, knowing there is a indifferent someday. But today was a struggle, yet some how I found it in me. I talked with my mom today regarding my feelings on the subject of not drinking. She too is abstaining, although her motivation is directly related to her celiac condition. Her desire to join in on the fun when family and friends are celebrating is much the same as my own. I don’t think she was ever as much of a drinker as I, but her father my gramdpa Scholpp, was a daily drinker. Much like me I don't think he considered himself an alcoholic, maybe a regular drinker. Of course this is not for me to say what his thoughts on this were. He is long gone. And his behavior is only what I remember from my youth. The thing is it gives me real pause to think if I am not a drunk, then why is it such a pain to go with out. I know why I am doing this exercise. I don’t like the effects the booze has on my e...

Five O’clock. Happy hour, or maybe the witches hour? I don’t know what it is with this time of day that vexes me so. In actuality it’s not an exact time time of day that gets me. It would be more accurate to define this time of day as the transition period between the days work and the evening meal. Regardless, it is this point of the day which I find most troublesome when working on abstinence. Seriously ninety nine precent of the time I have either indifference or a solid no desire to participate in booze consumption. But in the evening after I have put down my day’s work, and I am transitioning to new activities before the evening meal meal. I find that this is the moment when I am in high desire to have a drink.   A typical day looks like this. I am packing up my day to to go home, and I start to think of how much I am looking forward to having a beverage. While I am driving home, I am also thinking of how much I am looking forward to drinks. Then when I get home, my wife ...