Travel log, spring 2023
"All of life's great adventures are sprinkled with pain"
Tuesday March 28:
As I departed my house backing out of my driveway I realized that after a long of work day in the cold, I was exhausted. This was only the opening to the second act of day. 6pm on a Tuesday, and I was leaving for spring break. Freshly shorn; winter beard gone, and the mop of on my head cut short. I was feeling lighter, and ready for warm weather. As I slowly backed out the driveway my Mom called, and no matter my situation I try to always answer her. It was good to hear her voice and I kept her on the line as I drove to the bank. I extracted $300 emergency travel cash. Our lively conversation kept rolling all the way to Suttons Bay, when something in our words reminded me that I was supposed to bring Colin’s medication. I told her I had to go, and quickly made a U-turn to drove back to Northport. At 7pm. I was again backing out my driveway. only now I was now an hour behind schedule. If I had know this to be a forbearer of the vacation to follow, I might have stayed home.
To be clear I was not emotionally ready for this vacation. My relationship was with Pamela was still scraping the dirt it had hit on April 26, 2021. Between us there lay a palpable tension and lack of emotional connection as we both agreed on a family vacation. Our family dynamic was suffering beyond our own minds, and into the delicate moment in our teenage children’s lives. Colin was clearly struggling with depression, anxiety, ADD, and some intestinal dietary issues. Our daughter Maisie, had moved out six months prior. Like her brother, she had endured bullies at school, and her relationship with Pamela never particularly robust had disintegrated into open warfare between the two. And despite Maisie being in a safe and nurturing place, she had not had a meaningful conversation with any of us since leaving. She had become a ghost in our lives. Also, forebodingly, and most relevant to this travel story is that she needed counseling, and was stubbornly refusing it.
Time to suck it up. I was on the road alone. Pamela and Colin having left several days previous on her business trip to Arizona. We had worked hard with the kids to realize a vacation the they might find enjoyable. Maisie, and Pamela wanted a warm destination. Lots of sunshine and a beach. Colin wanted a military museum. During Christmas break, I had suggested we travel to San Diego CA. I had been there as a young boy, I think I was 11. And although that trip had been a disastrous moment in my life. I did recall that San Diego did have the itinerary my family was asking for. Maybe we should have chosen Hawaii? but no, it was way out of budget. And so it was San Diego that we booked. We were locked in for the first week of April.
“Traveling here and there requires good planning and a willingness to improvise”
Wednesday March 29th:
At 4:25am, I was up and out the door. Thirty minutes later I was parking Pamela’s Toyota Highlander next to the large exit sign at Cherry Capital Airport. It was still dark and uncomfortably cold as I cavalierly abandoned my winter coat to the car. Moments later in the security line, the guards were very pleasant. Unfortunately I had forgot to take out my wallet out of my pocket. It was a small thing, but it seemed to make the TSA crew less cheerful with me. Oops. At 6am it was still dark as Delta ferried me high above the tiny lights towards my connection with Maisie in Detroit.
Detroit 7:15 am still dark out; I was exiting the jetway and running from my gate to the departures desk on the other side of security. My brother-in-law Alex was there on time with my daughter. Unfortunately he not being her parent was not able to get her past the front desk. In our efforts to strategize travel, Pamela had bought Maisie’s ticket independent of mine. As far as Delta was concerned she was a minor traveling alone. Only a parent or guardian could get her boarding pass. By law, Alex was neither.
As the seconds passed with me sprinting from the other end of the airport, the lines were growing. Rush hour had begun. By the time I reached them, we had only thirty three minutes to get procure her boarding pass, navigate security, and get to the gate. Inside I was starting to panic. After quick hello’s and good byes, we were in the line that took twenty minutes to reached the clerk. And thank the maker, our desk agent was was amazing! She had our boarding passes in hand in less than 60 seconds. Now, Maisie and I bolted towards the massive security line. Maisie did great! She was a pro, and we passed security in just under seven minutes. We had six minutes remaining to reach gate 76 at the far end of the terminal. We ran the entire distance! And would you believe it, we made our flight and with one minute to spare. We were the last one’s on the plane. Whew!!!!
Our flight was quiet, it took four hours and fifty minutes. I spent half of it with my eyes closed trying to calm my mind. The other half I spent on a spread sheet organizing my Christmas business. Maisie watched Top Gun.
San Diego 10:50 am (1:50pm Michigan time). It’s raining, and fifty five degrees. We were still hours ahead of Colin and Pamela. More importantly I still don’t know how I am to locate the Jeep Pamela had reserved through the Turo app. There was much fumbling. However once again Maisie stepped up and jumped into the fray. She was very helpful. Also thank You to the owner of the Jeep who was supper patient with two confused travelers.
The Jeep, a newer model, was unfamiliar to me. I was now in the awkward situation all seasoned travelers know of navigating in an unfamiliar vehicle around an unfamiliar place. Thankfully San Diego was much easier than a foreign destination, and my fourteen year old daughter was surprisingly useful. She had offered her assistance so I put her in charge of navigation. Maisie did an amazing job. Within a few minutes we had found our way to a local sushi restaurant. I was both ravenous, and looking forward to fresh west coast seafood. Maisie seemed indifferent. The sushi place located in the Liberty Public Market was ironically situated in the middle of the former Naval training base used in the film Top Gun. I tried to explain this to Maisie, but it seemed that she had returned to being her typical distant fourteen year old self. I don’t know if I got through. Maybe it was the dismal weather. I was now feeling recharged, but she was clearly not.
After we ate I asked Maisie where she might like to go. She replied that she would like to do some thrift shopping. On her phone she had spotted one on the map. It was located in Coronado, which unknown to her required a trip over the Coronado bridge. As we drove she was still quite glum and indifferent. However as we approached the big blue Coronado bridge her mood became quite lively. It is an impressive structure to see for sure. One that is even more so to drive over. The bridge towers over 200 feet above the waters of San Diego Bay. Maisie now had a bit of a smile in her disbelief as we made our way to the thrift shop on the other side. Unfortunately unlike the exhilaration of the big bridge, the tiny thrift shop was a big disappointment. One small room about the size of a typical bedroom, with only two garment racks. Also on the macabre side of things it was located in the same building as a hospital. One has to wonder where those cloths originated.
After this little disappointment we sat in the jeep and talked about where we would go next. As we sat making plans a man pulled up next to us in a silver Toyota. He was clearly struggling with something, as he could hardly control his vehicle. He spent several minutes driving the car back and fourth just a foot or two. As we watched for several minutes with curiosity he managing to block the entire street. Maisie asked if he was Cuckoo? I said in jest, he was probably “Cuckoo a Cali driver” which is where the term stuck between us.
After that Maisie and I made our U-turned we went back over the Coronado Bridge towards down town San Diego. She had spotted a H&M clothing store again on her phone. Still raining buckets, we drove around down town San Diego, and saw many homeless and transient people loitering on the street in the rain. To my dismay, from our vantage point in the jeep I could see a woman on the sidewalk next to the lobby of the H&H. She had her back to us. From the looks of things she was scolding someone sitting in front of her on the sidewalk against the building. From our uninterrupted angle this scene revealed its self in exquisite detail. The person a large dark skinned woman, wore a short shirt on her top and her pants on the ground around her ankles. After appraising the but crack in front of the H&M. I advised my teenage daughter that this was not the best place for casual shopping. We continued to drive on with out a destination.
Ambling here and there around the city center we found some exciting hills to drive up and down, and to my surprise the other drivers were actually delightfully polite and patient with my clumsy navigation. Maisie said that I might be one of the “Cuckoo a Cali drivers”. Luckily she had spotted another thrift shop, so we stopped. It was a cute shop, but the cloths were expensive, and Maisie (the wise shopper) quipped that she was not interested in spending $80 for a pair of second hand jeans. We got back into the jeep, and headed towards a Target on the other side of town. At the Target I told her she had a dad supplied budget of $40. She found a grey top and a pink dress. Outside the Target I told her then it was now my turn to select the destination, and we headed towards Point Loma, and Cabrillo National Monument.
Despite the rain and poor visibility, the location was amazing. A grand but very foggy view of San Diego Bay, and the Pacific Ocean. On Pacific side we drove the Jeep down to the water following signs that advertised tide pools. Unfortunately at bottom we only found a very muddy trail down that ambled down the steep cliff side to the water. We had only made three or four steps onto the trail before we decided that the sticky clay was not worth it. Back at the Jeep, Maisie washed her feet with a can of Cola. We both laughed at the hilarity of her cola bath. We decided the location was worthy of a future visit. It was 3pm, and we still had one hour to loiter in our holding pattern waiting for Pamela and Colin to arrive. So we drove north a short ways to a dog beach I could see on the map. Unlike the grand vista of Point Loma, this location was a sad ramshackled spectacle that looked like it had maybe been something back in the day. I chuckled to Maisie that this was the discount beach, and that there were hopefully better ones to see later. She took a moment to glare at me, in the way only teenagers do best. Over our heads thundered a Marine Corp osprey. OH WOW! My aviation geek antennae were at full attention. After the osprey encounter, we headed back towards the airport and finally picked up Pamela and Colin. It was still raining but, at last we were finally seeing moments of suns shine.
By the time we found our rental house, the sun was out and the day looked lovely. Pamela had found us a sparsely furnished apartment in a quiet working class neighborhood. It was clean, and came with a thick rule book. No pool, but it had two bedrooms and two bathrooms. There were a few strip malls near by, and so suggested we take a walk to get some groceries at a store called Sprout. The store was nothing special. I would describe it as a specialty store much like a Trader Joes, or Whole Foods. Lots of organic and vegetarian options. Neither kid seemed thrilled with this. But Pamela was clearly delighted.
Back at the apartment, as we unpacked our groceries Pamela was upset over the frozen pizza flavor’s I had chosen. It make me feel very sad inside that I have no clue as to how to make her happy. Why is she intent on making us feel like we are ruining everyones lives. After our interlude I quietly cooked the pizza’s, the kids and I ate them, and then we all went to bed around 9:30-10pm.
Photo credit: Scott Cain "My teenagers smiling"
“Moments are many, and smiling for a camera only takes one” inspired by the many quotes of Richard D Cain.
Thursday March 30:
It was very cold in the apartment when I woke at 4:30am. My bed was comfortable and warm, and I had slept well, but I was not able to fall back to sleep, so I got up, took a tepid shower, then got dressed and went out on a walk to find a nearby coffee shop. When I returned I found that I was unable to open the door. Befuddled I could not make the code for the lock work. I made a phone call to Colin, woke him up, and he let me in.
Later when the girls finally awoke, we all started discussing where and what we would do for the day. I was raining again, and it looks like it would continue to do so for the majority of it. Pamela asked every one for ideas. Unfortunately for reasons unknown to us, she chose to snippily reject each. And after a bit both Collin and Maisie were deflated, and they went off to hide in their rooms. I waited patiently and quietly on the couch for Pamela to calm down. It’s not clear why she was so upset. But in her defense she is not a morning person. When she was ready to speak, I suggested that we wanted to work with her, and that we all wanted to be heard. She asked that I lead the conversation. Within a few minutes I had the kids out of their rooms and we made a group decision.
We were going to a mall that Pamela wanted to check out. In the Jeep, the four of us, she navigated and I drove. When we arrived at our destination I tapped Maisie on the shoulder. I asked her if she recognized our location. We had driven halfway across town only to find our selves at the the same Liberty Public Market Maisie and I had found the day before at lunch. We all giggled at this bit of happenstance. The mall and food court was exactly what Pamela and Colin had wanted. In the large food court, we all indulged ourselves in our favorite food choices. After this feast I did not feel hungry for the remainder of the day and partly into the next. Clearly I am not my twenty something self anymore.
Unfortunately after that there was still no agreement with Pamela on where to go. Maisie’s idea of a local aquarium held promise but, it was sold out. We all climbed back into the jeep with no destination in mind. No one was speaking. I pointed us again towards the Coronado Bridge. It was all I could come up with, and it had been a crowd pleaser the first time. Thankfully this was the case again as every one seemed thrilled with the exhilarating views. On the other side I still had no destination in mind. Pamela was starting to chide me, on where I was going. However the mood in the car had improved as the sun had come out so and I started driving towards the beach. We found an easy parking spot close to the historic Coronado Hotel. The beach was exactly what Maisie had wanted. She was smiling ear to ear and acting giddy. AND as it turned out Colin too was blessed with something he wanted. Multiple navel aircraft including two F18 Super Hornet’s that flew directly over the beach. These were then followed by Osprey, and helicopters. It was all very exciting. The only sad note was that, as we had heard there was evidence of industrial sewage from Mexico on the beach. Grey water, and scummy foam littered the beach. It was not awful. But it was a clear reminder of the hardships of our poorer neighbor.
After the beach I suggested that with the sun was out maybe we could check out Le Jolla. Pamela had expressed interest in it, and a friend had suggested that we stop to see the sea loins on a nearby beach. So we drove north and found the ritzy hamlet. It was crowded, and there were lot’s of fancy cars and fancy people to look at. Colin and I enjoyed a wonderful conversation with the owners of a Rhodesian Ridgeback named Kai. It had started to sprinkle, and Kai, backed himself under the canopy of the near by building. His owners laughed and said he did not like the rain. I laughed and reminisced on how our beloved Ridgebacks were the same way. When they asked Kai to leave with them he stubbornly stayed put. I was again infatuated with the Rhodesian attitude. His owners only got him to move after suggesting that a meal soon awaited him at home (LOL).
After departing our new friends Colin and I met up with Pamela and Maisie, for cold stone ice cream. It was indulgent and delicious. After ice cream and quietly thinking of the sea loins, I suggested that we walk and see something nearby. The girls asked what it was, but Colin and I were in the mood to surprise them, and we kept it a secret. He and I had already spotted the ocean viewing area. It was beautiful, and teaming with birds and seals. It was exciting, our rout traversed down a massive flight of stairs that ran between two buildings. Unfortunately Pamela who was a few steps behind us had hurt her knee near the top and had to hobble her way down in pain. Colin and I were oblivious. By now we were far ahead, and having way to much fun chattering with one another.
When we reached the bottom, we could see Pamela was struggling behind us. We waited. When she caught up to us she scolded me for not warning her about the stairs. I quipped back that I no idea she wanted me to warn her of such things. It was the wrong answer, and she in pain and now she was enraged with me. She turned and left us all in a huff. Stopping for only a moment to shout that she was leaving all of us immediately for the Jeep. I had a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach. The kids looked a glum as ever. The Jeep was some distance our location and definitely back up a few hills and stairs. There was going to be a significant period of pain before this got better. So much for us enjoying the view and the water.
I asked Colin to follow after her. He knew neither Maisie or I were in good enough standing to help. Trying to make sure Maisie did not miss our on what Colin and I had already seen we made a quick stop to see the sea lions. Then we doubled our efforts climbing hills trying to catch up with Pamela and Colin. Colin did a great job of following Mom. When Maisie and I arrived at our parked the Jeep, neither Colin or Pamela were anywhere to be found. Maisie and I now in a holding pattern. We both talked about our worries regarding how much trouble we were both in. Eventually we made contact by phone with Colin, and drove back down to the water to pick the two of them up. They were only a block from where we had started.
In silence we drove back to Claremont, stopping once at a Rite-Aide to pick up some laundry detergent. Later that evening the kids and I headed out on our own to Sunset Cliffs to watch the sunset. I was surprising by how crowded a Thursday night could be. But Colin and Maisie got along so well. And I was witness to them smiling and giggling together many times. For me it was the very best part of our day. On our way home the kids were hungry so we stopped at a Jack-in-the-box and bought burgers and fries for Colin and a large French fry for Maisie. At home-base I relaxed and scrolled on my phone for a bit, drank a beer and was then in bed by 10pm.
Photo credit: Scott Cain "Colin and I"
“The are happy moments now and again, and there are unhappy moments for some of the other time. Neither can be without knowing other.” Or something like that.
Friday March 31:
Colin got up with me this morning. Quietly we both made our way down stairs and walked over to the little coffee shop on Claremont. I was surprised when he ordered an iced latte, and even more surprised (and delighted) when he presented it to his sister. She Hugged him and thanked him with sincerity. Also we bought home donuts from a shop just two doors down from the coffee place. Colin chose a maple bacon donut. I told him to share a photo of it with his uncle Alex. Because they both find much joy in the concept of a donut with pig sprinkles. To add irony to the beacon donut, I made Fried bacon for the entire family on the stover top. And after cooking I cleaned that same stove top, and entire kitchen twice. What a mess!
After breakfast, I shopped on line and bought tickets to the USS Midway Museum. At 10AM we all piled into the Jeep and made our way down town to see her.
As we approached the ship, both children began to pepper me with questions. Despite this being my first time visiting the USS Midway, I came to realize that I knew much more about this her, than I give my self credit. The experience was delightful and overwhelming. On board we first toured the forecastle followed by flight ready rooms, and the anchor deck. After that we made our way down the hanger deck towards the stern of the ship to the stairs that lead to the flight deck. On the flight deck there were many navel aircraft. Colin recognized most of them. He also, much to my surprise was highly knowledgeable with many of the weapons mounted to the wings of the planes. At one point he pulled me aside to show me an AIM62-walley, a fist generation “smart bomb”. I had no idea.
After twenty minutes of touring the flight deck Maisie was done and had enough. She requested that she be allowed to go sit alone by her self on a bench on the hanger deck. The crowded hanger deck was to far and away from the family and objectionable to me. Unfortunately a brief bicker ensued between us. Ultimately I commanded her to stay with us on the tour. She grumped at me for the remainder of the day. But there was no way, I was going to let my 14 year old daughter with no street smarts sit alone staring at her phone in a busy unfamiliar urban environment.
We trudged onwards. With Colin skipping in the front, girls behind, and me worrying in the middle. Now under the hanger deck and in the galley above the engine rooms. I found distraction and fascination in the vertical access points in the Midway. I guess I had never given much thought as to how many of these would be needed for moving materials throughout the ship. Once again to my surprise my knowledge of things revealed it self in the machine shops. My family focused on me as I explained why the shop was there and what purpose it served. I was heart warmed by their attention and awe of my knowledge.
Later down in the engine room a retired lieutenant advised us to also visit the bridge above the flight deck. Pamela rolled her eyes. No surprise, Colin and I both were super interested. However it was clear that Maisie was long past tolerating more boring old ship. Luckily Pamela volunteered to stay back with her on the hanger deck.
Knowing we were now on the clock Colin and I raced back up the stairs up on to the flight deck. Then towards midship and around the starboard side of the conning tower. Unfortunately, what we found there was long line. Knowing that we were on the clock and that Pamela and Maisie waiting for us, we quickly backed ourselves out of that line.
As we retreated, we saw a young man pop up from a hatch. I wondered aloud where he had just been. Obviously we had missed something. The signs said “exit only, captain and command quarters”. Colin and I looked at each other with absolute glee, and so off again exploring. As it turned out, it was most interesting part of the ship to see. There was a lot of old communications equipment, and lots of fake wood. And aside from the wood stickers on everything the mood in this part of the ship had a very different vibe. It had been well worth the risk of upsetting the girls.
When we returned to shore it was apparent that every one was very hungry, so we sought out food. Pamela wanted to eat in the Gas Lamp district. There we found a hole in the wall Mexican restaurant. Colin and I were delighted. Maisie was annoyed, and asked for a Panera. Lucky for her Pamela found her a sandwich cafe around the corner where the two girls procured a bagel sandwich. I was happy inside to see Maisie sincerely say thank you to her mother for going out of her way to find something special for her. Outside on the sidewalk patio of the Mexican restaurant I had a Tijuana burrito. It was a bit more meat than I had wanted, but it was very delicious. Rich, flavorful, and a little bit funky.
From the gas light district we made our way to Point Loma. Maisie and I had convinced Pamela that there were interesting tide pools to see there. Unfortunately we the arrived at 4pm, the tide was already in and the tide pools closed. The view however was amazing! Unlike the rain and fog Maisie and I had witnessed on Wednesday; today we could see for miles. Our view included all the surrounding mountains, islands, and all of San Diego.
Not all went well at this time. While Colin and I were enjoying the view, something transpired between Pamela and Maisie. Both of them became very irritable and wanted to leave after only spending 10 minutes at the Cabrillo National Monument. They both sulked back to the Jeep. Colin and I not wanting to be near the bad energy, abandoned them and hiked up to the light house, where the views were breathtaking.
When we returned to the Jeep things had cooled down. Pamela and Maisie were again acting reasonable. We exited Point Loma and made our way to Target in the Midway district. Maisie needed undergarments. She had forgot to pack them and had only the pair she was wearing. At the target she could not locate a suitable pair. Luckily there was a Ross next to the Target, and. On her second stop she was successful in her endeavor to locate suitable under britches.
The Day had been long and we were all feeling worn out, so we made our way back to the apartment. But to our surprise, the day was not over and there was still new discoveries in store for us. In the living room as the sun made its way west on the horizon, the girls and I basked about in its warm glow. Nobody was talking. We were mainly just lounging and looking at our phones when Colin came sauntering into the room. He walked to the far end under the TV and then plopped him self down on a small brown leather seat.
His timing had ben perfect. When his bottom hit the chair the whole building shuddered… I looked at him accusingly and said “well that was a little rough, why did you do that”. He immediately protested “no it was not me”. So I had him get up and sit again, and to my fault it indeed was not him. I apologized. But what was it? We all got up and started looking out the windows to see if a car had hit the building, but no car. Then Pamela found it in her news feed. A 4.0 quake! And to our disbelief there was no excitement outside our apartment. It was as if nothing had happened. Apparently the locals don’t even notice quakes below 6. The event made for lively discussion, and a memorable part of our day. A real California earthquake all for our very own amusement!
Photo credit: Scott Cain "The tide pool"
“These were the moments, some were unexpected”
Saturday April 1st:
The crew had trouble getting up and rolling this morning. It was 12pm before we got out onto the road for our adventures. Pamela and Maisie wanted to do some shopping, and Colin wanted to se a model railroad exhibit. I drove the girls went to the Fashion Valley mall in Mission Valley, and then Colin and I went to see the San Diego Model Railroad Museum in Balboa Park.
I was nor familiar with Balboa Park and was surprised at it’s enormity, and crowd. I could see several museums, sports fields, and a zoo. We could easily have spent most of our vacation in this location. The weather on this April Fools day was some of the best we have seen thus far. Full sunshine, and temps around 65 degrees. Also what we found were many parking lots in and around the park. Colin and I spent a good half hour traversing them, only to find parking on the street an entire mile from the museum we were destined to visit. Since the park was full of people the crowd watching was very entertaining. The whole place had a festival like atmosphere. The Train museum located in the basement below the Museum of Photographic Arts housed four large layouts in different scales. Those included O scale, HO scale, N scale, and Three track O scale. The HO scale layout being the largest an most impressive of the lot. There were game cards at the front, where visitors were challenged to find odd details in the model. Colin and I were both pleased with our selves to find all of those details. For me the most interesting part was the representation of the Goat Canyon Trestle. I had wanted to hike this location, however after a bit of research, I realized I was they only one who would enjoy going on a 5 mile rustic hike, on private railroad property. Maybe it is something I will come back to visit in the future. Anyways, Colin seemed to like the model railroad. When we were done touring the exhibit, I asked him if he would like to see the Museum of Photographic Arts. However by the end of our model railroad tour he had come down with a migraine and was not interested. He did however express interest in having lunch.
Colin’s suggestion was a Popeye’s Chicken. I had never been to one, so in the spirit of adventure I said yes. We found one in University Heights. It was located in a strip mall. The location was also crowed. All ways a good sign. Albeit a bit odd in my mind for 2:30 on a Saturday afternoon. As we waited to order Colin and I chattered.It was was delightful. Unfortunaletly once our food arrived, Colin’s mood had changed. He had lost his appetite, and willingness to converse with me. I ate my food quickly. It was very greasy, and did not live up to the spicy hot they advertise. Colin stated that his migraine was getting worse. Before we departed the strip mall, I ran into the 7 Eleven at the end, and bought some Advil for him. We then made our way back North towards the girls.
At the Fashion Valley Mall, Colin and I waited in the parking lot for 30 minutes for Pamela and Maisie to wrap up their adventure. Back at the car they both seemed to have enjoyed their experience, and the two stated that they could have spent several more hours looking around at the goods for sale. Maisie showed off her new third piercing. Our next planned stop was Mission Beach Boardwalk. It was a short hop to a very different location. Again it was crowded, but we found parking with out much fuss, and walked to the attractions. Most notable an antique roller coster “The Giant Dipper” build in 1925.
Everyone wanted to experience this ride so we bought tickets. When we finally got to the front of the line, I realized that the tickets, which were all contained on a single card were missing from my pocket. In a frenzy I went and backtracked our path in line. Miraculously I found the lone stub for four sitting forlorn in some bushes next to the coster. Dang! That was a stroke of luck! The thought of losing $32 in tickets was sickening for so many reasons. I was grateful we were back on track to ride the coster. Maisie wanted to ride with me in the front car. I asked her if she would join me with her hands in the air, however it was only I that completed the entire ride hands free. There were many signs planted around the coaster explaining its history. They explained how it had been abandoned then nearly burnt down several times before its restoration and rebirth. This historical trivia made me wonder if it had been the coater I had recalled seeing as a child when I visited San Diego asa an 11 year old in 1982. My memory was dim, but I recall visiting a dilapidated old coaster sitting forlorn behind a chainlink fence. I remember my father lamenting the relic. Could this have been that same landmark? Regardless of this past anecdotal everyone toady seemed to enjoy the experience. It was nice even if for a moment to see my family happy and together.
After the coster, Pamela told the kids that other rides were too expensive to consider, and that she wanted to walk the boardwalk and see the shops. The kids objected, so I bribed them with some fresh cinnamon pretzels, and we walked part of the beach front. After a very short stroll it became apparent that there was not much in the way of shops in this location. Everyone quickly lost interest in walking the crowded beach front. So, we made our way back to the Jeep. Maisie was now in a foul mood, and made it clear to everyone in the family that she wanted nothing to do with any of us. Her focus was getting back to the apartment as quickly as possible. Unfortunately she chose to walk far ahead of us, and found her self in trouble when her dad, mom, and brother objected. For me, the thought of a 14 year old walking a block ahead of her family in a crowded unfamiliar area, was irresponsible. I called her back, and she stubbornly said no. Pamela called her on her phone, she stopped, and we all proceeded to have a one block apart staring contest. I hate to have made such a fuss over this, but I can’t as a parent abide by watching my daughter put her self into danger just because she thinks she knows better than all of us. I held my ground, and waited until she reluctantly returned to our group. We then all made our way back to the Jeep and apartment with out speaking to one anther. Back at our home base, Maisie retreated to her room and closed the door, Colin retreated to his room and closed his door. I sat on the couch and drank two beers. Pamela and I watched three episodes of a travel TV show staring Eugene Levy. By 8pm we were all in bed.
On a side note, as the sole driver of the black Jeep, I would like to say, it’s been a nice ride so far. But, also I would like to have a look around once in a while. Here is what I have observed in the drivers seat here in San Diego CA. The locals are courteous, patient, and some times a bit odd. I don’t see the road rage, or outright aggression I am used to in Michigan, Indiana, Illinois, and Wisconsin. I don’t see as many of pickup trucks, and SUV’s either. People seem to prefer their small cars. Also regarding this selection of cars I will make note that Tesla, Honda Prius are the two favorites. On the road the drivers patiently let you in when trying to merge, they wait patiently for pedestrians, they give space to bicycles, and they will on occasion put their vehicles in odd situations without modesty. Maisie and I have affectionately nicknamed these drivers “KooCoo Cali drivers”. In one example, we witnessed a Honda making a U-turn on a rail crossing. An active rail crossing with four sets of rails! On the flip side, there is the exception. Motorcycles. The bikers around here a maniacs! They don’t hang back. They are ALWAYS riding faster than everyone else, and then to top that off, they lane split at every opportunity. The driving styles between car and motorized cycle here in San Diego is stunningly polarized.
Photo credit: Scott Cain "Colin and Pamela"
“The moments may be brief, but they are the moments”
Sunday April 2nd:
5:50am at the Claremont Coffee shop, but they were not yet open. So Colin and I went next door to buy some donuts. He bought two for himself and one for Maisie. One chocolate cream filled long John, one with white icing sprinkles and a peep, and a small one Homer Simpson style, with icing and sprinkles for Maisie. Back at the apartment he ate both donuts one after another, and then complained of a tummy ache. Again the girls slept in. We did not see Pamela until after 10:30am. When she got out into the living area, she proclaimed that Maisie had been cruel to her. She then inquired about the donut on the counter. We told her it was for Maisie. She proceeded to pick it up, and take it to the couch where she ate it.
By 11 we were in the Jeep heading for the Tide pools on Point Loma. It was my third trip onto the peninsula. And I am beginning to think it was my favorite part of San Diego. We had bee there twice before, but rain and high tide had prevented us from viewing the tide pools. Today was sunny and the tide chart looked in our favor. When I found some critters in one of the tiny pools. Finally was able see some life emitting from my teenagers. They had actually stopped moping, and took a little interest.
After our tide pool adventure, Pamela wanted to go up to see the Torrey Pines State Nature Reserve, it’s located just north of La Jolla. But by the time we arrived in the area, everyone was hungry and approaching meltdown. So Pamela navigated us towards food in Del Mar. It was a pretty town on the bluff looking over the water. And after a bit of fumbling around looking for parking, we found a spot in an underground parking garage. But there was trouble brewing.
Out of the Jeep we were having difficulty finding the restaurant Pamela had chosen. It was located in the same building as the parking garage. In a stairwell Maisie, had opened a door for me as I had also grabbed it. We looked at one another, and it was obvious we were going to have a stubborn contest. What I failed to read in my daughter was how fragile she was feeling on the inside. We both stood arms folded waiting for the other to submit to the door. Colin who was now quite a ways forward of us, had turned around and returned to the opening. The two of them got into an argument. Now the three of us were stubbornly standing with our arms crossed at the door way into the parking garage. After quite some time, I looked at Colin and asked that he go and find Pamela. She was ahead of us getting our table at the restaurant. He obeyed me, and went in the direction of the shops and eateries. After a few minutes Maisie finally moved, and made her way away from the door back up the stairs. It was the wrong direction. She was not going to let me win, also she was obviously trying to run from the situation. We went in circles for a bit, and ended up next to an elevator, where we finally exchanged words about how we felt. It was ugly. I was up in her face demanding to know what it was for her to give me the stonewall for the last few days. She said she wanted to leave, and never see any of her family again. She said she did not want to be put into the hospital. My heart was broken. I got it. This is not what I wanted for my daughter and I told her so. Unknown to me was that Pamela and her already had a tense conversation regarding this subject the day before at the lunch while shopping on Saturday and while sharing the bed that past night. Maisie was feeling like she was in a bad spot. Colin was also having trouble inside as well.
We went up stairs. I told them both we needed to eat. I was worrying that much of this may-lay, was due to lack of calories. Pamela was not satisfied with her restaurant choice, so we were not going there. The other restaurant had an hour wait, so we weren’t going there either. So on Colin’s suggestion we went to a sushi restaurant. Won’t you know it, after a bit of food the kids both perked back up into something that resembled human beings. After our lunch Maisie and I got sweets from a crescent bakery. Oh wow they were delicious! Then we piled backing the Jeep and went on a long drive to find an ice cream shop. Pamela, Colin, and Maisie all got Ice cream. I was happy and thankful to see them eating.
We drove back to the apartment, and spent the remainder of our day lounging.
Photo credit: Scott Cain "The Friendly Hills"
“Do you take time to savor the moments”
Monday April 3rd:
This morning Collin and I made our last stop at the Claremont Coffee Shop. He was quiet during our outing and did not get anything. I expect he was anxious about traveling today. He was scheduled to fly home alone. His spring break ending a week the week before Maisie’s. It breaks my heart to see him this way. Despite my confidence in him, he has yet to embrace the adventure that life offers. For now the best I can offer is a hug and some encouragement.
Per schedule we were on the road in the Jeep by 9:30am. When we arrived at the airport Pamela and Colin departed the Jeep and went in while Maisie and I drove around in a holding pattern. There was some question whether or not Colin could get through TSA with out his drivers license (which he had lost on Thursday). How ever our worries were unfounded, and by 10am he was at the gate. By 10:45 we were all on our way. Colin was heading back home, and the remainder of us were on our way to Joshua Tree CA. At 2:30 we had found our destination. In Joshua Tree it was 43 degrees, and a wind blowing at more than 25 mph. But at least the sun was out.
Our Airbnb turned out to be a major upgrade from the apartment off Claremont in San Diego. I was not excited as we pulled up to the plain residential house. However, on the inside things were more exciting. Hanging chairs, over sized decorative mirrors, three large bedrooms, and decorating lots of decorating. Did I mention the hot tub in the back.
Despite the wind and the cold, I was immediately determined to got out for a hike. The Friendly Hills Hike, was located just few blocks from our new place. It looked promising, and as it turned out it was even more so than expected. Best of all I had the place to my self. I made several photo’s and videos on my walk. There was so much to see and take in. This was the high desert and the lighting was amazing.
Later back at the house, there were three large bedrooms. I had chosen the smallest of the three. My hope was that Maisie and Pamela would enjoy their large luxurious private accommodations. They had been sharing a bed for the past several days, and one could only imagine how that added to the tension. The room I had chosen was at the far west end of the building. From what I could tell it had once been a garage. That being the case, it was a tasteful and comfortable room with lovely natural light from the windows on the north and west side of the room.
Aside from the great lighting, there was not much else to say of it, except that it seemed to have an energy to it. It was a positive energy to be sure, but one that left me to scratch my head a bit. This energy was strangely erotic. I could feel it immediately. I looked around the room. There was really no decoration, or object to have stirred this. So, I am not sure what triggered my sensitivity to this energy. Later that night as I lay on the bed scrolling on my phone as I often do before I go to sleep, I found my social media feed filled with physically provocative and sexually suggestive posts. In my mind all I could think was WTF. I have no answer for this occurrence. I do not typically searched for this sort of content on my phone. So, why my social media algorithm decided to show all these suggestive scenes on my phone haunts me. Regardless, I thought mystery to be just that and left it in a positive light.
Photo credit: Scott Cain "Moments that rarely happen"
“A silly quote of the day, did not materialize in this instance”
Tuesday April 4th:
Good gracious, it is cold. There’s frost on the ground outside. I am asking myself why on earth did we leave a cold place to go to another cold place at great expense? It was supposed to be warm here!
When Pamela woke up, and after her cup of tea, we told Maisie we were going to hike at Joshua tree national monument. Pamela added that we were going hike for five hours. Maisie immediately glared at us and shut us down not speaking to us for several hours after this statement. I don’t know why Pamela would say shit like this. I know Maisie is up for a robust hike of a few hours. But Pamela? No way are we on the trail for more than 30 minutes. Did she say this to appease my dreams of an all day hike through those mountains? Or was she trying to be cruel to her daughter? Either way my expectations were already very low. And now we had a very grouchy daughter in tow.
10 am, and out the door as we headed towards the park. Our first stop for a sack lunch to carry with us. After much fuss over what place was suitable for Pamela we found some sandwiches at a gift shop next to the park visitor center. Maisie reluctantly agreed to get some food. As discussed earlier, she like her brother can be difficult when it’s time to find calories, and also like her brother she can be a bit grouchy before said calories. 11am the sun was out and it was still quite cold, but that sun was delightful, and the park is absolutely stunning in an unworldly sort of way. I joked with Pamela as we drove that the massive boulders about the place reminded me of some of the sets that they would use on the early series of Star Trek.
We stopped at a small historic dam that had been built by cowboys to water, their cattle and horses. They say in springtime is when it is most likely to see water in the Reservoir. However, despite so much rain, it was nowhere near capacity. Just a puddle. Maisie and I both took the opportunity to climb the rocks and see all the other tourists lurking about below us. Pamela did not climb any of the boulders and I joked with Maisie that she and I wouldn’t be bothered by mom at our vantage point. Because we both knew there was no way Pamela was gonna climb any of these rocks. Maisie replied, “I know” her most grouchy and mean way.
Later we drove to a peak that was accessible by a paved road. At the top, there was a lovely view of the Coachella Valley. Snow covered many of the peaks surrounding the valley. At the parking lot in the jeep I ate my veggie sandwich. It was as delicious as the view before me.
After our two small excursions. We left the park at 2pm because Pamela was tired, and Macy wanted to go and take a long look at her phone. Back at the house, after looking about for an hour or so, I decided very I was bored and really wanted to go out again. However this time it would have to be on my own because no one else seemed interested.
I had seen on the map and area designated for off-road and 4x4 vehicles. I couldn’t tell whether or not the trail was available to vehicles all the way to the top of Eureka peak. But I was looking for something fun to do, and thought this my be interesting. And off I went. Once off the main road I found the trail was just around the corner. Also I found a street that was more like two ruts and an actual road. but the scenery was beautiful. The view at the top was magnificent and even better still it was that I had it all to myself.
I took many photographs. And even contemplated a poem. I think I looked about at that location for about a half hour, and then turned around and drove back down again. Arriving back at our home base at around 5:30. I could see Pamela was very irritated with me. I had left her and Maisie stranded for 2 hours and it was longer than she had expected. She took the keys to the jeep in a huff the Jeep and departed with Maisie immediately to go shopping together. Leaving me stranded. Which was more that OK with me.
When they returned at 7:45, we ate dinner and again retreated to the hot tub. Pamela and I both had an long and arduous discussion regarding Maisie and her mental health. It was not a happy or relaxing conversation. I know I was not the only one when I went to bed feeling very downtrodden. As I lay in bed I wondered how or what I could have done different. My families health and happiness were all suffering. I felt powerless.
Photo credit: Scott Cain "Covington Flats Area"
“Good moments are always in contrast to bad moments. One cannot exist without the other. OR, it could be said that a hot meal always tastes best after a long day in the cold rain.”
Wednesday April 5th:
The day I finally starting to feel relaxed. Up at 5am, thinking I might try for the sunrise photos I had been dreaming of. It was still only moon light. But I could see the skies were clear, and It was quite cold. 38 degrees. Neither was going to make photography easy. What bothered me most was getting to and from the AirBnB without upsetting Pamela. My adventures on Tuesday had her holding her tong. She was obviously not please with the Idea of me stranding her at the house. So there is was. I had too many excuses. I never left the house, but instead focused my energies onto the important things of the day. I had to figure out the course for Maisie’s mental health.
It was a phone call to Havenwick. Tonka, Maisie’s new therapist, made it clear to us, that she could not treat her until she underwent a proper phycological evaluation. This was due to two things. One Maisie had confessed that she had tried to commit suicide on two separate occasions, and the second was that she had told Tonka that she was not willing to participate in therapy. To make matters more awful, we had already paid for our travel spring break travel plans. And while it did not seem she was in any imminent danger, there was urgency. The three of us (Karen, Pamela, and myself) had agreed that we would schedule an induction evaluation for Maisie after our trip to California. The people at Havenwick had said they could make appointments a few day business days prior to her first visit. Today was the day to make the call. The plan was to get her in next Monday.
The receptionist at Havenwick and I spoke for about 30 minutes. But the answer was clear, Maisie needed to be a willing volunteer in her own therapy. As far as I knew she was not. After the phone call, I immediately went to Maisie’s room. It was 9am and she was up packing her things for our next jump to Palm Springs. One could only imagine how horribly our conversation went. She flat out stubbornly refused. Period. I informed her that she would have to move back to Northport, if she did not go to Havenwick. I meant every word, and I am certain she knew it. Like many of our more difficult conversations, it ended with the both of us not speaking to one another for a few hours. I guess the would be par for the course in our family. Except for Colin. That guy has his emotions hard wired to his mouth.
A few hours later, Maisie Texted me:
“I am not going to speak about this out loud but I am also not letting you move me back to Northport. Northport is the place that ruined me living with you and mom and made me more unstable than ever and no one noticed that. So I am not moving back there ever. However I am in an emotionally stable place right now but you and mom seem to be playing with that I do not want to go to a mental hospital but if you really want to waist your money on it go ahead. If so please do not expect me to pass my classes this year in school seeming that would be even more draining for me.”
My response: “I want more than anything, for you to be happy. Karen and Alex Love having you, and I don’t want to take that away.
Your emotional health is important to me. It is important to Karen. We both agree that this is a good option for you. An appointment is only, an examination of your mental health. They are not going to lock you up. They can only evaluate you and advise you if you need help. I believe you would benefit from some therapy. I have the full support of the Bryce family, and your grandma G. We love you and want the best for you. We believe in you. We believe you are destined for great things. To be clear this choice is yours.”
The conversation for the day was over. And we continued on our way from Joshua Tree in the high desert, down into the valley, and Palm Springs. The Mood in the car was morose. However the sun was out, and temps were rising as we descended to a lower altitudes. In Palm Springs, we found a Mexican Restaurant and had a delicious lunch. When we reached our final Airbnb, things were starting to look up. I was mentally exhausted. But the rental had a lovely pool and hot tub. This location by far was the most vacation like in its feel and appearance.
Photo credit: Scott Cain "Scott's BeReal"
“There are stories of our fathers. Their value in contrast can only compliment our mother’s”
Thursday April 6th:
Up at six, I wandered into the kitchen to see if there was any coffee to be found. There was none. I knocked on Maisie‘s door, and I asked her if she wanted anything if I went out for coffee. She indicated that a sweet pastry would satisfy her. So I departed in the jeep to find our morning sundries.
On my way to the coffee shop I had seen something on the map that I did not understand. It appeared to be a low lying areas with no homes or no businesses. I wanted to know what this was and why the town ended so abruptly. So I went off to find this location. It didn’t take long. The large open area was little more than 2 blocks away. It appeared to be a massive water runoff of some sort? However, it also looked like people had tried to build there. Still, I’m not sure what was going on. Yes, it did look like a dry gulch but only massive scale and there was clearly attempts at constructing roads as well as some illegal dumping happening. But I don’t know else about where I was. What I do know is that it was empty, no homes, no businesses, no roads only remnants of human activity and the occasional pile of refuse. It was actually lovely, and the only thing that gave me any concern was the possibility that there may be some critters around who want to bite me for invading it. This vast open area was exactly the sort of spot where I like to take photography. Quiet and without people in it. After an hour of the doodling around. I drove off to find the coffee and pastry.
I found myself at “Cartel Roasting Company”, a typical hippy / hipster coffee shop. The place was a little dirty and full of snooty people. I was probably one of them. I bought a croissant for Maisie, and got myself a large black coffee with no room for cream. The server seemed quite amused that I would order some thing so innocuous. Unfortunately, the coffee was dreadful. Very acidic, although maybe possibly better than a Starbucks. But it was probably my prejudice that thought it better than that ubiquitous green mermaid. In fact, it was disturbingly much worse. Thankfully it did not trump that horrible coffee I had put to my lips on a Delta flight to Atlanta so many years ago. So, I guess it had that going for it.
Between breakfast and deciding upon what to do for the day, I made communications with my sister, Karen and my dad. Dad is still in the hospital. He has had three bad days in a row. His blood pressure proving most problematic. With Karen I had much to say. The point of my conversation was to communicate to her that the both of us needed to be on the same page with Maisie. It was not an easy conversation. However, Karen is always in my court and we were able to work through what we both felt is appropriate for Maisie. We both agreed that she needs counseling. The counseling she has had thus far has proven ineffective. This of course is no surprise to me. Maisie has made it clear to me and her counselor that she does not want to participate. And as we all know counseling does not work unless the patient wants to work for change. So we are looking for an intensive program to get Macy on track. The trouble with this is they expect her to be there as a willing participant, and it is not going to be the case for Maisie. Her best attributes, including stubbornness and determination are defeating her in this instance.
Moving on with the day, it was by far the warmest day of the entire vacation. 78° in Palm Springs with sunshine and no wind. We had talked about taking the tramway up the mountain today. However, it is known to be a 40° difference from the bottom to top and since the top has snow on it and we have just spent the past week and during cold weather, we opted to not to. I suggested that Maisie and I wanted to try and In-N-Out Burger, Pamela agreed, but we were unable to find one nearby and so Pamela located a high rated burger restaurant in downtown Palm Springs. Oh well, so much for nature. We were back to downtown again. When we arrived at the restaurant, the patio was in the shade and there was a cool breeze. The restaurant played classic rock music. Pamela found the whole situation, highly undesirable so we decided to go somewhere else. She had seen a deli. She said it was nearby. It was three blocks away. So we walked that way.
When we arrived, she was on the phone with Colin. Maisie and I went in and gave her name to the hostess. We were told our wait would be 25 minutes. When Pamela’s phone call was over she asked how long it would take. We told her 25 minutes. Then Maisie told her that this place also looked disgusting. So again we went looking for another place. By this time everyone in our group was getting crabby.
Pamela was now grouchy because Maisie was blocking her from going to the place she wanted to go. Maisie, was crabby because, I don’t know Maisie is grouchy. Now by Pamelas decree, we were forcing Maisie find us a place quickly. Surprisingly Maisie did just that and picked a Mexican restaurant with a casual “whatever” vibe. El Patron, the name of the restaurant she had chosen was yes, more Mexican food (I was all smiles inside). It is the same lunch we had yesterday. But I’m never gonna turn down Mexican food. Also, it allowed me to finally have that glass of Mezcal tequila I had been craving.
For a while, we all sat quietly at the table, trying not to stare at one another. Out of the blue our waitress gifted Pamela a free margarita, and within 10 minutes Pamela too was feeling a little more relaxed. We both started to playfully tease Maisie. She intern was quite frank about herself, and admitted to being a complete grouchy bitch to her parents. I think it was the most productive conversation I’ve had with her in quite some time.
After lunch, Maisie and Pamela both decided they wanted to do more shopping. However, I had already seen enough of the shopping district. So I took an Uber back to the Airbnb. Sat by the pool and dictated notes into my travel log. When Pamela and Maisie returned, we continued the lounging about around the pool, until dusk. Before bed packed up my things in my orange Frank Sinatra themed bedroom.
Photo credit: Scott Cain "Happenstance at sunrise"
Friday April 7th:
Up at 5:45am, last bit of packing, and a magnificent sunrise. I normally do not care much for urban photography. However, this sunrise was exceptional. By 6:30 we were all in the Jeep heading towards San Diego. Pamela drove. The sun shown the entire route, and traffic was moderate. We made the airport with 45 minutes to spare. We even had time for Pamela to make a last visit to Liberty Public Market for her breakfast.
Our flight left San Diego at 11:50am, and by 7:20pm we were on the ground in Detroit. I had made arraignments to stay with Maisie at my sisters house to try and straighten out her mental health issues. Unfortunately at the airport Maisie and I parted ways with Pamela, she had refused to hug or thank her mom for our vacation. It was heartbreaking to see the hurt in Pamela’s eyes. But clearly this was why I had taken this extra long layover before completing my journey home.
Karen and Rebecca picked us up at the airport, and drove us to Château de Bryce. We had pizza for dinner. I was in bed sleeping by 10:30pm.
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