10 Confessions

 

Photo credit: Scott Cain "10 Confessions"

I have water skied behind a 18’ sailboat: I find it funny that something I did as a kid, with the help of many adults, has gained me as much infamy. The boats name was “Angel Dust”. It was the 1980’s. And I was a small 13 year old boy, on two wooden water skies, that were enormous compared to my self. I could almost stand up on them, on the water, with out moving. It was a very windy day on Bussey lake, where swimming is forbidden. Three accomplished sailors who were most certainly drunk, held down the Chrysler Buccaneer as she planed over the “water”, and pulled me illegally over Shaumburg’s effluence. Yes, Bussey lake is the out flow pond from a water treatment plant… It is were I had my moment of fame. 

I keep a blog that no one reads: It is my repository for what I consider finished works. I wish someone would take a moment to look at it once in a while.

I want to sail to Australia: I found a love for sailing when I was 11 years of age. Also I have likely indulged in to many novels regarding the high seas. Sixty feet on the water, two masts, cutter ketch rig, and four crew members would be about right.

I own a kilt and I am not afraid to wear it: Because I am not wooly enough to conform to others simply for their comfort. Also I like the way it looks on me. It’s black of course.

I spent my fist 40 years living in urban sprawl: I was born in the city of Chicago. I lived (mostly)in and around the greater Chicagoland area for my first 40 years. It is and always will be the place where I am a local. However I no longer live there, where the grass is constantly mowed and people are the only animals to bestow. I don’t hate the city or city folk. But I am loth to the strip malls and the soul-sucking congested acres filled with cars and their angry drivers. I don't miss the light poluted rivers of rotting plastic bags that flow around piles of architecture that pretends to have imagination. I live where I am not a local. A place trees are allowed to grow, and the dark is truly darkest at night.

I like the band Skinny Puppy: When My friend Neil showed me his Kiss record in 1977, I was blown away by the cover art. Four bad ass dudes strait out of some outrageous syfi movie. On the back there was what looked like a burning city. Neil told me they had burnt down Detroit. Oh Wow I thought, this music is going to be crazy! Then he played the record, and well ummmmm yuck! Boring, boring, and boring. My first encounter with what I perceived as false advertising. Yeah this is what my 7 year old brain thought. Years later after a long stint listening to country and western music (thanks mom and dad), my friend Mike Thumb did actually blow my mind with music. In his dark smoke filled bedroom he played for me “Assimilate” off of Bites. Turns out Skinny Puppy was that scratch needed for my itch. So, Brap on!

I lost my virginity in a run down motel with a prostitute: The adorable big brown eyed girl had run away from her home. This story is more about her than me. We were dating, and in high school. Over the phone with the long spiral cord She had made me promise not to tell her family where she was. I was bound to my promise to her. I was determined to be true for her. Sadly this conflicted with the friendship I had with her brother and sister. Both of whom I liked very much. She was living in a seedy motel paid for by someone who was selling her body for prostitution services to older men. To say the least we were two very confused kids. My hart still breaks for her when I think of her during this time in her life. And I wish this story was not about that moment in my life. But at that time I was little more than a naive, inexperienced, 16 year old boy who’s only good was bit of what I thought was idealistic integrity.

I regret not serving in the Navy: After four years of NJROTC in high school, I was hounded by recruiters. All of whom had my ear. My Dad advised me to decline every one of them, and pursue a college ROTC program. His logic was that I would be better off entering the service as and officer, and not a piece of meat. I liked his advise, however it conflicted with my love of being a punker, and the three jobs, and a night life outside the world of books and a higher education. Later shortly after Curt Cobain ruined punk culture, I did seek out my college degree. Unfortunately, my school only offered Army ROTC, and I was too much a sailor to even consider that back packing army.

I wish I had a superpower to put joy into the hearts of those around me: However, I would protest any wearing of spandex. And sometimes I am just grouchy for no reason. To be clear, I prefer my outfit to include a kilt (see above), combat boots, black skinny puppy tee-shirt, and A Flock of Seagulls hair doo.  Also my “super power wand” will emit sparkling sprinkles that gives the joy to others. My vision for this is based upon stave two of Charles Dickens “A Christmas Carol” in which the ghost of Christmas present bestows Christmas Joy on to those around him. 

I believe in God: I rarely talk about this part of my self publicly. Also don’t attend church often. But I have enjoyed a lifelong connection with the Lord. I am grateful for this. I am also deeply respectful of other peoples beliefs. This can be very challenging for me because I am acutely aware that some of you definitely mean me ill. I wish people would play nice to one another. However I do not know the truth, only its keeper. When I chose Christianity as my spiritual vehicle. To me it felt like the sort of choice one makes when car shopping. I needed a car, and I chose a brand I was familiar with. I made my choice not out of brand loyalty. It was a weariness of shopping through all the different colors, options and price tags. When what I really needed was simply a car. And to be clear I hold no desire to encourage anyone else to buy what I drive. It is simply the car I drive. Obviously with language like this I don’t belong to a church and as I have said I seldom attend. And on that a final note, one might be surprised to know that I made this decision about my spiritual path while reading “The Tibetan Book of the Dead” by Bardo Thodo. A book I highly recommend.